Remember the nights we wait till mum and dad were asleep, we dial up McDelivery?
Remember the time you asked me to do your final touches before you head out for your date? “You’re like a stylist!!!”
Remember the time when we quarrel so crudely till mum come out from the kitchen with a chopper knife to threaten us?
Remember the time you play with my hair while watching TV? “I wish my hair is like yours. Keep it long!!!”
Remember the time we made some promises? I’m still living it up!!!
Remember the times when I wake you up to ask for your permission so that I can wear your pretty clothes out and kissed you in your cheeks in thanks? I love that sleepy smile you made when I do that.
Remember the nights we chat and can’t hold back our laughter till dad woke up in frustration to shut us up? It was 3am then.
Remember the night we share the same iPod and trying to sing to Charlotte Church’s? We got scolded by mum and dad. It was 4:35am then.
Remember that night you asked me to listen to two of your favorite songs in repeat? Just Like A Star by Corinne Bailey Rae and I Turn To You by Christina Aguilera.
Remember the time you whisper to me that you’re craving for meat years after you become vegan? I have to secretly feed you tiny bits of nugget behind mum’s back. And she still doesn’t know it.
Remember that week dad force you to drink some juice everyday that you hated it so much I have to drink it all for you behind dad’s back? And he still doesn’t know it either.
Remember the days when we sit on the sofa, watching the New Year countdown on TV? “Congratulation! Thank you for making through another year!!!” and she smiled.
Remember the evening when dad’s bathing and sneaky us took his phone, recorded your shoutings and set it as his ringtone? Ringtone Volume set, loudest.
Remember the time you constantly telling me that things happen for a reason?
Remember the time you told me “Let’s be sisters again in our next life!!!”. “Let me be the elder one than, so I can shower you the Love and dote you like you did.”
Remember the night you’re hurting so bad and hugging me in desperation telling me that you don’t want to go to the hospital? You said that you’re afraid to get inward again and weeks feels like forever to get the doctor’s approval to go home.
Remember the night I felt hopeless? “Everyday the Sun rises, there’s hope. The Sun didn’t choose who to give sunshine to. Everybody gets a fair share, even the shadowed hearts.”
Remember that night I snuck in bed with you? You asked me all the “why me?” and “what if…”?
The last question with your back facing me, you asked me
“What if I’m dead lying next to you like this when you wake up?”
I give her a back hug and said nothing.
We both cried silently.
You probably didn’t know, those years, I secretly wish for the angels to give years of my lifespan to you and spilt your pain in half with me. But it seems like God has a limit for the greedy little me.
I’m sorry. I love you.